WHEN YOU LEFT

When you left, I felt you leave me. 

I remember our first few years together. We were an indestructible team, you and me running circles around the moon in what had become our great big life. 

We had everything laid out and planned.

Time passed, the vibe changed and I had that feeling you get when your gut whispers to your soul, but I put it aside because we had everything laid out and planned.

And then the day came when you left.

                                        

The years pass but the pain remains.

It's changes, takes on different shapes and sounds, it's transitions into a face I can't touch, a hand I can't hold, lips I can't kiss.

There is an unnatural and unintended detachment from whatever a real life is supposed to encompass - love, affection, laughter, sharing, someone you've told all your secrets to, connected to deeply, sacredly.

Every now and then, I look over my shoulder, at the kitchen table, a place I can't sit anymore. It's where we did our give and take, our here and there, our this and that, over a glass of wine and finely laid out plans.

I sleep in your worn out hoodie because it makes me feel closer to you.  I search for you in the sunshine and in the rain. 

I dance to the beat of thunder as if I have been struck by lightning.

I dream of being lost somewhere in the mist, where the blues aren't blue.

Desperately searching for our well laid out plans that never came through.

Knowing far too well, the only truth I know is you.